Cobwebs

Getting over a break up can be summed up in two steps:

1. Go out with friends, have fun, hook up with someone new. (Repeat as many times as required); or

2. Go out with friends, have fun, keep your sanity, come back home and go to sleep.

You know the truth about the second approach? It works.

About option one, it feels great. It's the safest option and the most instinctive one I guess, because everyone I know is doing it. You feel liked/loved, you feel wanted again, you find an outlet. You have someone/someplace to project your anger and sadness. It feels wonderful. The downside is that it won't last. And it's kind of addictive, in a bad way. At some point you would know you wouldn't want anything more from this person. And I couldn't be that selfish that fucked someone else over. Because deep down I knew I was in a bad place feeling like a wreck  and in the end I am projecting whatever shitty outcome I had received from a failed relationship onto some other person. That's exactly when people start feeling disconnected.

Like right now. I really need a connection. To be truthful I crave men as of this moment. The worse part is, I have the options. But getting into something unemotional just to feel better and get rid of loneliness will push me down further. I will start feeling all those feelings of sadness and longing that I've tried hard to forget. 

And even if I am ready to get into a something it has to be with someone new, it has to be something real, isn't it? I am not a teen anymore. It's time to grow up and act my age. The waiting approach works the best - to let it hurt. It will take time but it will save you from any further regret.