For the next few paragraphs, I'm going to sound like an ass. But believe me, it's true. I maintain a strong sense of right and wrong when it’s about my life. It’s this ethical code that is just like my spine. I know I won’t survive without that. I hate objective questions in exams. I despise those multiple choice questions where all you do is tick one out of the four. I found myself in the examination hall sitting and staring at those questions, I knew only 3 out of 10. And I saw people walking out the class to go cheat in the washrooms, I saw those so called toppers in the class whispering and trying to sneak a peek. And I could do nothing. All I could do was sit and glare at those who went out at some pretext and came back grinning. I did not attempt more than three. And I know my result. Majority would be getting sixes and sevens. I never felt so irritated in all my four years here. I cried that day. Not for the exam but for everything I believed in. I felt defeated. And I hate myself for crying because I blamed my inability to go out and cheat that day. Because when you are desperate enough you start compromising. You drop those ideals for something that is achieved effortlessly. Nice and easy.
A person I know always buys a platform ticket whenever he goes to pick someone up at railway station. Always. Nobody checks that ticket you see. Even if someone’s checking it is easy to get lost in the crowd and get away. I asked him why. He said that this is what you do, because this was a right thing and that most of the time being right matters only to one’s conscience. I can get a grip on my problem if I judge my situation according to his words. I won’t cheat just because everyone is doing it and getting more than what they deserve. The hardest thing is to be right with yourself, being true to what you believe in and even more difficult is to reason with yourself because the easy way out is the most alluring. No one asks for a Gandhian truthfulness. Accept it or not, the white lies that we tell everyday so that we may lead out lives normally, out of pity and gracefulness, those cannot be given up. It's practically impossible to not lie at all.
Self confidence does not have to depend on how others think. Does approval by majority make us feel good about ourselves? Yes. And this makes it hard to follow ethics. Listening to that inner voice is hard when the whole world is screaming. But really, some lies should not be told. At times, honesty may not take you to great heights, but you remain just in your own eyes. Conscience is not stupid. We don’t understand it because we don’t listen to it. It is always right. It’s always rational and more if you look beyond.
I know the Karma theory stands true even if I don’t follow my religion. Following an honest path robs you off a lot many opportunities and probably you lose them to people who don’t deserve them. I don’t care if people pay for their actions or not, because poetic justice is just a romantic idea. I stay right, that would make me happy.
